Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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