You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
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I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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