I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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