I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
