ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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