WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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