the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
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He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
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And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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