I'm lost and stupid without you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
