When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
