One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
