paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
