im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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