did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The struggles of a small town man whore
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
