cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just blew my weed a kiss
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
