I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
