its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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