I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
only you would photoshop your dick
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
