Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
