When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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