She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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