I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize