all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
