I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
