I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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