..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
