I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
