my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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