I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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