We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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