I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
