So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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