Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
try to milk me bitch
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
