almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
