Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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