Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
