you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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