9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We're too hungover to prance.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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