Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
