I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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