Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
