i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
40s are totally the cure
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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