he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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