K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
