So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
