Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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