Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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