sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
