I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
