respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I need a burrito and a hug.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
