Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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