Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
