I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
