Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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