Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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