youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
