Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
