who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
