Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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