That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
