Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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