it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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