..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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