I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
