don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
