So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I met the friendliest cop last night
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
