Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
