You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
