No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
