I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
