Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
