i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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