i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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