I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
