So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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