My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
