i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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