he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
