Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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