all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
