yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
