they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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