i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
