I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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