turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
