i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
