you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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