3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
