Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
