Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
