I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
